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Thread: My story about murder and love

  1. #1
    Seed bionic's Avatar
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    My story about murder and love

    Over three years ago when I was a meat eating human but one that did not think it was cool and one that loved vegetables, needed a job desperately, was hired at what the ad said was a sausage kitchen. I thought since I had spent quite a few years making a living cooking that it would be perfect. The first day on the job I realize the job was only one department of the company
    It was actually a huge meat plant. I had never seen one before. The first day of work ,the one other girl in this department sat with me for lunch as well as the other two people from the sausage kitchen , the head butcher/sausage maker/manager and his son. I sat in the lunch room and heard what sounded like pigs squealing downstairs and asked what it was. To my shock I learned that there was a killfloor where animals were slaughtered to make the products sold at their store in front. I was quite grossed out but even though I protested her offer to take me on a tour I caved in to the fear of not being accepted by my coworker on the first day. This was one of the many crimes I am guilty of having participated in. When I walked in this room there were two guys that rounded up these pigs and I watched looking in their eyes. I saw the terror the misery and the only thing that could almost drown out the pleading screams of these poor souls, was the sound of the machinery that would take their lives and tear them apart within minutes. I want to leave the other details out because it is too disturbing. This believe it or not did not declare me a vegan although I stopped eating any meat or chicken or much of anything for about two months due to being so disgusted with what I saw. I lost quite a bit of weight and during a time when I was feeling quite starved at work I lost all my senses and started eating the sausages and stuff we were making. For the next six months that I worked there I felt hardened and as sick as it sounds I gorged on the murdered animals that I helped to turn to sausage.
    After a while the the son of the sausage maker revealed he was in love with me even though he was aware of the fact that I was fifteen years older then him. Somehow I fell in love with him as well and his mother and father whom both make their living in the meat industry and whom both have worked as children for their meat families in Germany, accepted me in their family. We ended up moving to Montreal from Hamilton a few months later and have been living there for two and a half years. During this time I decided to go vegetarian. It was a dissapointment to the parents when we came to visit because these people don't know what in the world to eat if you don't eat meat, white bread ,sugar treats, pizza salami ham etc. I called myself vegetarian even though I ate fish ,dairy products, and I had quite a few relapses mostly on holidays. After last christmas I vowed not to eat meat or poultry again but continued to eat free range eggs dairy and fish in small quantities. A month ago I was eating fish and realized that I thought there was something nasty about it so I went to the Peta website which I had heard about and within minutes I was vegan. I hate myself for not realizing the REAL truth about using the animal kingdom asking them to give up their right to freedom and be protected from torture and agony so I could eat and wear clothing when not only is it absolutly not necessary but also killing all the people who consume it.
    My boyfriend has become vegan with me because he agrees with the inhumanity and the health hazards but I feel he may not be strong enough to stand up to his parents when we move back in three weeks because get this, he will be donating a kidney to his father who is on dialysis and has had a heart problem in the past and has also overcome cancer. His mother is now on high blood pressure pills. They said the other day they had just come back from Macdonalds. I am afraid they just don't get it and I am very nervous about living in their house but at this point we have no other choice because of the financial set back due to leaving our jobs which I am happy to do because I have been cooking meat for people, another major crime. I am suffering from guilt about my past and present sins and from heartache every night for the helpless creatures. There is no chance of any further relapse although I have things I need to improve in order to become a good vegan but overall I feel a freedom and spiritual evolution within myself that I have never felt before. I am here to stay.Thanks for reading my story.

  2. #2
    approves this message. stegan's Avatar
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    Welcome, bionic!

    While the guilt you feel sounds like something I'd feel too, there's no reason to hate yourself for not realizing something. No matter how you came to your realizations or how long, the important things is that you came to the realizations eventually and you're trying to live as compassionately as you can now. Nobody's perfect, and there are no perfect vegans, as you'll learn from being here. You have to try and enjoy being compassionate as much as you can! Life's too short for constant guilt and self-loathing!
    acid funk for your ass.

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    Seed bionic's Avatar
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    Thanks stevo I really appreciate that. It makes me feel a lot better.

  4. #4
    Hi bionic! Welcome to VRF! Thanks for sharing your story. About your saying that there's no chance of your relapsing... don't take this the wrong way, but I just want to let you know that if that did happen (to you or your husband), it would not be the end of the world. My boyfriend went vegan cold turkey and was fine with it, but I personally found it to be a struggle. I had to take it day by day. I'm not saying that you'll inevitably relapse, but I just want you to know that if you do, you don't have to beat yourself up over it. It sounds like you've just gone through a lot of changes, and I think it's awesome that you and your husband are trying to be vegan! Having another person going through it with you definitely makes it easier, because you can support each other and bolster your resolve in difficult situations. And of course, you have all of us, too, anytime!

  5. #5
    now I am
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    Welcome to VRF, bionic!
    Thanks for sharing your story.

  6. #6
    Rwar mamaquilla's Avatar
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    Wow, amazing story bionic, wellcome !
    "Kindness is a language we all understand.
    Even the blind can see it and the deaf can hear it."
    -Mother Teresa

  7. #7
    tiny careful adventure fire bluedawg's Avatar
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    thank you so much for posting your story, bionic--and what a story it is! you've been through quite a lot; in a way you might have a leg up on other people, because you've really truly seen it. yikes.

    welcome to VRF--hope you like it here!

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