Hrm, advice time. I'm only 18 so it's all that teenage drama stuff. Yum.
My boyfriend and I broke up today. I'm still kind of in shock. He's vegan and was the person I wanted to marry. He was kind, patient, loving, and a genuinely nice guy. (Guess he must be nice if he's veg.) We were supposed to go to our senior prom in two weeks, walk together at graduation, go to grad night, and go on vacation this summer. It's weird all this is not going to happen, and that's still sinking in. I'm not as upset as I thought I'd be.
Here's the reason I broke up with him. A few months ago I found porn on his computer. I'd asked him before if he looked at porn, and he said he had before, but not anymore. I don't like pornography because it makes me insecure. I can't orgasm so I can't compete, and it makes me feel inferior to other women and like I'll never been a satisfactory girlfriend. I explained to him why it upset me, how it made me feel bad about myself. He said he was sorry and wouldn't do it again.
Today I was using his computer and I went to the Yahoo! Groups website to log into my account. I noticed he was still logged in and his groups were listed on the screen, which was about twenty groups with names about hentai, Asian porn, etc. He said it was from years ago, kept insisting it was old. I told him I felt sick so I went home. I didn't believe him, so I logged onto his E-mail account. I know that was snoopy of me, but I felt justified at the time since he chose to tell me his password. He had confirmation E-mails from the pornography mailing lists dated from this weekend. He still denied it until I confronted him. (He's such a nice guy he didn't even get mad I read his E-mail.) He said he was sorry he lied but he thought I'd break up with him if he told me the truth. He also said that he has a problem and was addicted to porn but didn't want to be anymore. Although I am grossed out by his habit, I told him if he'd been honest with me I would have tried to get him help. The first time I caught him he lied about it being a one time thing and lied about saying he wouldn't do it again. Now I don't know what else he lies about.
I love him and don't want to break up, but I don't think I should be in a relationship with someone who lies, even if the alternative is being lonely. Did I do the right thing, was breaking up with him reasonable, or is this not really that big of a deal? Should I have given him another chance?
I'm sorry to spill my guts here, I know this is a pretty petty problem, but this isn't really something I can talk about with my mom or real life friends because I don't want to embarass my (ex)boyfriend.