View Full Version : Drank Coffee with Dairy Milk as a Guest at Someone's House :(

10-17-2011, 04:04 PM
I'm back at home after just visiting someone who gave me coffee with dairy milk to drink. As a guest, I didn't want to be rude, so before she made the coffee, politely declined to have anything to eat and drink. She made it anyway, before I had the chance to tell her that I don't drink milk. I didn't want to upset her so I drank it.

As the minutes are going by I am feeling worse and worse. I'm also the kind of person who is quiet and never speaks up so there is this self-hatred that I am feeling. I should have said something! I don't know what to do. Please help!

10-17-2011, 05:55 PM
That can be a tricky situation and you definitely shouldn't beat yourself up about your decision in the moment.

Yesterday a neighbor came over with a container of chicken broth he'd made as a thank you for us sharing our vegetables. I think about it this way: I wouldn't ask someone to compromise their values for me. If I think someone else can't offer me the same respect I'm probably not giving them enough credit. It actually seems kind of rude of me to assume they wouldn't understand or respect my decisions.

I've had a lot of luck just being really polite and thankful. For example, yesterday I said, "It's so sweet of you to think of us! We actually don't eat any animal products but we appreciate the gesture. Really, you are welcome to our vegetables any time. We have plenty." The neighbor just said, "Oh, bummer! Well, I'll walk some over to [other neighbor]. Thanks again for the vegetables!" Now, I know it could go poorly but it seems to work well most of the time.

10-17-2011, 08:18 PM
Same thing happened to me except it was tea they put milk into. It was an honest slip-up and I drank it anyway as we laughed it off. I'm still alive, big whoop.

10-18-2011, 10:09 PM
I've been there, and I agree you needn't beat yourself up over it. Think of it as a learning experience. Really, the first time anything like that happens, it's hard to know what to do. Now that it has, you might try to come up with a way you could have reacted--not to dwell on what you didn't do, but to mentally practice for the next time. For shy and overly-considerate people (myself included) it can help to have a response all planned out rather than hoping you'll be able to improvise.

In the meantime, be kind to yourself. You were a gracious guest in an awkward situation. She didn't know. You were caught off-guard. It's OK. In my opinion, the most important thing is to prepare yourself for the next time so you don't feel like you're letting yourself down. Also, it may be awkward at first, but it gets easier each time.

10-19-2011, 03:10 PM
I don't think you'd have to drink it not to be rude. If i offered someone a beverage and they didn't drink it, I wouldn't think any less of them. It's not like they grew the coffee beans themselves.

I get more awkwardness at things like the office birthday party, where people feel bad that i'm not eating cake that is for someone else's nonvegan birthday. Sure, it sucks not to get cake, but it's not my birthday.

11-11-2011, 06:40 PM
hi (i'm new here ;) ) - my sister recently came for a visit and i'm sure that there were a few times that i unwittingly ate a dish that in all likelihood contained animal products (milk and maybe eggs) when we went out to eat. i am not proud about it, though i am still a committed vegan.

11-15-2011, 02:30 PM
Hi there LGG, and welcome!

That sort of thing has happened to me many times. There's only so much one can do, and fretting about it won't turn back time. Just do your best and move on.